A cultural trap to exit is the story that we’re here to serve others selflessly. That, when understood only by the ego’s small mind, creates a world of hurt. I know from years of experience about this. The best advice for our small ego minds is 1) put on your own oxygen mask first & 2) the golden rule: do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. That second one can be a long learning because it shows us over and over where we are stuck and unconscious, if we’re really paying attention.
This whole niceness model is not the point, and when we live long enough in a curious approach to ourselves, we can see that prioritizing niceness is a loosing game and we get trapped in the routine of shaming ourselves and each other for not being nice enough.
*It’s how oppression is able to happen*
It’s what little children do because they’re taught by adults who are still believing like children. We’ve gotta grow up. Nice is just a story and we can let it go, along w all the other stories that aren’t true. But when we’re aware and truthful, committed to truth and honesty, then the quality that we describe as “nice” can emerge on its own. Service to others finds its real meaning. With far more depth and capacity than our flimsy ego attempts could ever bring about.
We’ve learned to put our egos in charge because we learned from all the other people who have bought into the shallowness of their own egos, not listening at all to the soul’s vast awareness which actually allows us to see and know we’re not alone or separate from anything. That’s what we’re here to do - learn to hear the soul awareness (whatever you want to call it, but don’t try to divide it and own it in a religion - Fuck that) and discover how ego can take it’s direction from that generous, uncontested power.
Again, dropping the whole niceness game is essential in this. We’ve got to take the blocks off the tires in order to roll where life wants us to go.