A cultural trap to exit is the story that we’re here strictly to serve others selflessly. It's a trap because most of us are also conditioned by culture to live from the ego's perspective, not understanding how to listen to and live the soul's purpose. When "serve others selflessly" is thought only by the ego’s small mind it creates a world of hurt and confusion. Our modern culture has been pretty dismal at following the source of wisdom. We've shoved our brittle egos out front to lead and these egos are scared when out front because they aren't supposed to lead. We need to reorient to our souls.
In the process of reorienting, the best advice I see for our scared ego minds is "do unto others as you’d have them do unto you". That Golden Rule can be deep learning because it shows us over and over where we are stuck and unconscious, if we’re really paying attention. It's a great way to help the ego relearn it's right place.
The niceness model is not the point, and when we live long enough in a curious approach to ourselves, we can see that prioritizing niceness is a loosing game that can trap us in a routine of shaming ourselves and each other for not being nice enough. It’s how abuse is able to happen.
Nice is just a story and we can let it go, along w all the other stories that aren’t true. When we’re aware and committed to truth and honesty in ourselves, then the quality that we describe as “nice” emerges from a deeper place and "service to others" finds its real meaning, with far more depth and capacity than our ego attempts could ever bring about.
We are here to listen to the soul and discover how ego and personality can take direction from the generous, uncontested power of Spirit. Generally, in our culture, we're doing it the opposite. We’ve trained our egos to think and defend our ideas and lead the way, and that's so blocky and icky. But we can take the blocks off our tires and we can roll, gracefully, where life wants us to go.