Anger

I was an angry environmentalist, riding my bike through the city flipping off people in giant vehicles. Ford Excursions and Hummers in particular. I loved the earth so much that I hated the people on its behalf, myself included. I believed my belief should be strong enough to change everything. I believed hard and was constantly disappointed. My muscles were rope tight and I thought that was strength. I thought my flexed face should convince people to change for me.

I'm still an environmentalist, of course. I'm angry when I get angry but I don't feel identified by anger anymore. Anger is a sensation I've come to know well, not only about the environment though certainly including the environment.  And I've defended the right to anger when people claim it's bad.  It's not bad.  It's normal.  I get honestly angry when I get angry, in the moment. I don't reject it or myself for it.  This has been a huge change, to not be trapped by or in anger.  I've learned that when anger is not allowed as normal, as the clarifying agent it is, then we tend to build an identity around anger.  Either "the angry one" or "the one who doesn't get angry".  Both are not true.  

Biodynamic awareness, this work is life affirming!  We are all, in this culture, taught to "control ourselves", which is fundamentally impossible and misses the point of living. We were taught to deny ourselves, create ourselves in someone else's image, and that has created little monsters of us in general.  If we can't be emotionally honest, then we cannot be mentally honest.  It's all one system either in agreement with reality or not.  The division within us is reflected in the division among us. 

The environment vs economy culture war is a mirror on what we've been doing inside ourselves. That never ending battle.  So what I'm saying about anger is, just be honest inside.  If you're angry, you're angry.  It's not gonna kill you.  It's probably trying to get your attention... Look around and see what's happening and needs your attention, especially inside you!  Pure anger is wisdom energy to use and gives us focus. If we suppress it, it burns us and we burn up the world, and then we get angry because we're burning up the world. The earth needs us to stop being addicted to anger.