There's a new understanding taking up residency in me now days that says things like "It's impossible to screw up our lives. It's impossible to do this wrong and the way we live is because of what we know in any moment. What we do is what we do, how we think and feel is how we think and feel... in any one moment. There's a sort of blinder-view innocence to all of our highlighted screw ups, assuming it could have been different than it was."
Some people say it would not have happened if it wasn't supposed to happen. This resident understanding in me doesn't necessarily use the words "supposed to". She (the resident) doesn't carry a belief about preordained destiny of events. That is too far out of her/my actual touched experience to know. But what we do know is that how it has gone so far is due to all the gathered up energy and understanding that was available in each of those moments.
It's how we learn and change and grow, and I do believe there's learning, changing, growing going on all the time. By learning to unfreeze our hearts and allow ourselves to see and be fully in our bodies as life rolls itself out with each step we take, each word we think and speak or not. It's a matter of being awake in it all.
Forgiveness seems to be coming to understand ourselves in our moments in life. Forgiving the "imperfect" actions, the hurtfulness, the ways we forsake ourselves, the screwups. Forgiveness isn't an action but a state of being and understanding. We come off the relentless hook of perfection. We discover that we can breath naturally in honesty. The flavor of honesty that holds the door open for everything that's happening and has happened, that holds the door for undictated, unshamed change. Natural change.
Faith in the continuum of moments of life. Faith in the impermanence of life in these bodies.
Someone will want to hold you down to your past, waiting for an apology. I'll hold someone else down, awaiting their apology. That's nothing but part of the learning. What is apology? Is it words of accepting blame? Assuming blame? Is it stemming from the locked away place of deep shame? Or is the real essence of apology also a state of breathing in faith and understanding and forgiveness for all the limited perspective actions that ever hurt anyone or anything, which seems to be what we do anyway?
Hi, it's Ginger. I hope my thoughts here will add to freedom, expansion and creativity for you as you read them.